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If I could sum up my feelings about the Team Free Will boys in just a couple of words, it would be this:
Dean: Respect- would follow anywhere
Castiel: Empathy- just want to be there for him, and to show him someone cares
Sam: Understanding- I AM Sam; I see a scarily huge part of myself in him...(and we share the same birthday!)
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Well as I'm sure you can see from the journal skin and recent deviations, I have VERY rapidly become utterly obsessed with Supernatural!
(In particular, Castiel!)
Yes, anyways, I originally started watching SPL when it first aired on channel 10 here in Perth, Australia, way back in 2005!
But for some idiotic reason which I can't quite recall right now, I seemed to loose track, and ended up not watching past season 1!
But recently, and mostly owing to the awesome stuff I've been seeing on Tumblr lol, my curiosity for the show was rekindled, and I ended up borrowing the DVDs season by season, completely catching up....and in the process, becoming unhealthily, dangerously obsessed with the whole show, characters and fandom!!
I cannot express in words how much I absolutely love being a part of the SPL fandom!
Misha Collins, Jared Padalecki, Jensen Ackles and the whole cast are the most wonderfully perfect role models I could ever ask for, the artists absolutely blow my mind with fan art, my fellow fans are some of the most supportive, friendly and gorgeous people I could ever hope to be affiliated with!
Thinking about it, I realise what I've actually found, is a warm, loving home here in the SPL Fandom....and it makes me cry prideful tears of acceptance!
Yes *cough cough* well...anyway..
What I really wanted to rant about, was how my feelings towards Team Free Will have developed and changed over time.
(Sit back and get comfortable, this is gonna be a fucking LONG one!)
Ok so, when I first started watching the show (in 2005) I remember my main reason for tuning in every week was Dean Winchester (i.e Jensen Ackles). Of course back then, I never got to meet Castiel as he doesn't appear until season 4, which was long after I'd fucked off to some other showniverse!
So yes, a couple of months ago, when I decided to rewind and give the show another chance, my interest, naturally, was sustained by Dean.
But as I (rather quickly) made my way through the seasons, eventually reaching season 4 I realised I didn't know WHO I was watching the show for!
Sure, I thought Dean was attractive, but I started to drift away from him as more of his kind-of-a-jerk attitude was revealed, which drew my attention first to Sam, then Castiel later on.
I've realised my feelings toward the Team Free Will trio have shifted so dramatically as I've gotten to know them, to the point now where it's almost completely opposite to how I felt at the beginning!
It used to be all about Dean, and not so much as a second thought toward Sam..in fact, I used to have a fair bit of Sam hate in the early days! (
oh god, so sorry Sam!) My "order of faves" was like this;
Now as I re-assess, (and more characters have worked their way into my heart) it's like:
(is there a higher rating than 1st?!). Castiel
Oh my god, I feel guilty even just typing that...and I still have a lot of respect for Dean...but, there are some aspects of his personality which, over time, have just begun to grate on me.
Ok, so this brings me to the main reason for wanting to bore the shit out of you all with this stuff (especially those of you who don't even watch the show!...though I can't imagine why you would have even read to this point if you don't!...all my love and hugs if you have!!
Anyways, this point...THE SHIPS.
Ok look, I'm sorry to the millions of you who do but, I just can't support the Destiel ship.
Sure, Dean and Castiel are very close friends, but that's all I see it ever being.
Yes I am fully aware of how cannon this ship has become, owing to the painfully suggestive moments in the show.
But seriously, weigh those moments up with how many soul-destroying moments we've witnessed between these two!
Dean can be unimaginably cruel to Cas, and a lot of the time when Cas is at his most vulnerable.(07x23-"Survival of the Fittest"
) "Nobody cares that you're broken, Cas!"
Now I don't care how pissed off you are at someone, or how much of a grudge you hold against them, if you truly love them you're supposed to be there for them when they need you!
You do NOT fucking BLAME them for their mistakes and remind them how much they screwed up!
So often in the show, we are painfully reminded of just how lonely Castiel really is...if he and Dean were truly in as loving a "relationship" as people think, he would have stopped feeling like that long ago. And yet, 5 seasons later, we still find Cas wandering far away on his own...shunned by the very person who supposedly loves him unconditionally! Sorry but for me, the amount of pain both Castiel and Dean suffer through as part of their "relationship" is just too much to overlook...and why I firmly believe, any more than friends, Destiel could never really work.
Ok, A LOT more supportive of this ship!
But honestly, I still only ship these 2 as very close friends. Anything more and it just gets weird, and completely ruins all the sweetness and tenderness and supportiveness of the friendship.
Anyways, so Sastiel!!
Let me tell you why I love this ship so much. Right from the beginning, Sam had only the most sincere respect for Castiel. He'd always believed in angels, and even prayed to them every night (despite Deans constant mocking.) His immediate action upon meeting Cas for the first time, was to hold out his hand offering a handshake, and tell him how much of an honor it is to meet him!
Now it's true that for a while, the Cas/Sam "relationship" was very one-sided; the concern only seeming to come from Sam. But this is why Sam so truly deserves the love that Castiel eventually returns! He never expected anything back from Cas, he was perfectly happy showing love and loyalty to the angel without much reciprocation. It meant a lot to Sam to show Cas that he meant something to him, no matter what came along. Eventually, Sam's friendship rubs off on Castiel, and he beings to return it.
Perhaps most importantly of all in this ship, is the FORGIVENESS that Sam has always offered Castiel. This is the difference between Cas/Dean, and Cas/Sam. Castiel has definitely made his share of mistakes and bad decisions over time. As is clear in the show, Dean doesn't seem to be able to look past these; it's as if he expects too much from Castiel- expects him to be something he's not, and when he doesn't come through, Dean just can't accept it, and blames him. Sam on the other hand never seems to hold Castiel's actions against him, and always offers support when Dean's judgement rears it's ugly head. It has never occurred to Sam to act any other way towards Cas, because in Sam's mind, it's what you're supposed to do for true friends. Sam has always considered Cas a true friend. Castiel- who's heart is so heavily burdened by the memories of his mistakes that he can't bare to face himself, needs that honest forgiveness which Sam has always offered him. Sam knows Cas would never do anything unless he thought it was the right thing to do, and he understands that Cas only ever has good intentions. Castiel NEEDS this compassion. Sastiel works because of the beautiful mutual understanding that exists between Sam and Castiel, and the journey they've taken to reach this point. They've both learnt so much from each other, gone from practically enemies to best friends, and developed ever further as characters by a shared realisation that without each other, they would have been lost long ago.
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OMGSOFUCKINGLONG!!!! So seriously, I'm probably talking to myself here since I'm sure I lost you all loooong ago, but if you are still reading this dribble, oh. my. GOD. You are a fucking legend, and I will give you cake!!
Thank you oh so very much, and I will see you in my arms for a massive, 7 minute long hug!!
Peace out bitches!